Foul or fowl...

Today is Ronald Reagan's funeral. I must say, Nancy looks like she's holding up pretty well so far. I wish they would get out of her face though, give her some time to grieve alone. It's just respectful..

My rant for today: I'm not sure whats worse, withholding attention or stringing you along. I say this because once again, J called last night. I was outside with my dog and came in to a message, a silly one at that. I called back, no answer of course, and left a message. Fast forward to this morning, where he is online on his "secret" (ha, that is so funny) screen name for 30 minutes. I'm not supposed to know about this name of course (read a couple entries back for full story), so he sat there for about 35 minutes and didn't have to speak to me.

This all seems so high school to me, this hiding and hot and cold business. I feel like I need to walk a thin line to make sure that I don't do anything that could later be accused of sabotaging things, meaning--call back when called, answer emails and texts or at least answer back later--it is truly high school. The only reason I feel like I have to go to such great lengths is because our last conversation regarding the "friendship" was such crap--in so much as everything was MY fault--that now I want to make sure that there can be nothing throw back at me...

But you know what? That isn't possible. I've broken up with friends before and for at least the first year (sometimes longer) there is shit strewn no matter what you did or didn't do. I've done it myself! It's only later on, after years have gone by that you realize how much of it you brought upon yourself by being angry and spiteful.

So having said that, I'm not going to be that person this time. I've made my mind up--I'm sticking to my guns. I may walk away from this without a friend, but at least I will walk away knowing that I did everything that I could to make things right for me and do the right things by him. Everything else is on him.

xoxoxo